The Self Esteem Advantage

I’ve been coaching leaders for nearly twenty years, and they often share with me (knowing it’s confidential) things they won’t share publicly: The pressure they feel to get leadership ‘right’.Your performance can fluctuate. Your worth doesn’t have to.

A project succeeds. You receive praise. You feel confident and capable.

Then something goes wrong. Someone questions your decision or offers feedback you weren’t expecting.

Suddenly, you’re thinking:

Maybe I’m not as capable as I thought.

Research into self-esteem has challenged the idea that we can simply “boost” self-esteem through praise. More recent thinking points to something far more useful: our sense of worth becomes vulnerable when we make it conditional on achievement, performance and the approval of others.

For leaders, that matters.

When your worth is tied to performance, feedback can feel like a personal judgement rather than useful information.

Unshakeable Leaders learn to separate the two.

“How did I perform?” is not the same question as “What am I worth?”

So next time something doesn’t go to plan, ask yourself:

What can I learn from this without making it mean something about who I am?

Your performance can fluctuate. And your confidence in your ability to do something will definitely fluctuate. But your worth as a person remains stable. The feedback you receive is about your performance, not you as a person.

That’s the self-esteem advantage.

Read more in my new leadership book, The Unshakeable Leader.