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Why I call them ‘the other person’—and why it matters in feedback conversations

Why I call them ‘the other person’—and why it matters in feedback conversations

If you’ve been to one of my Feedback Fitness Workshops or flicked through my book, you may have noticed something a little different.

I don’t refer to the person receiving feedback as a ‘team member’ or ‘direct report’, or ‘recipient’. Instead, I often use the phrase ‘the other person’.

Now, I know—it’s not the smoothest phrase. But it’s intentional. And here’s why that matters for leaders across Victoria who are working to build stronger, more connected teams.

When using terms like team member, direct report, or employee, we unconsciously reinforce hierarchy. These labels can box people into fixed roles: one person offers feedback, and the other receives it.

But real feedback fitness goes both ways.

The healthiest, highest-performing teams have feedback flowing up, down and across. In those environments, leaders aren’t just offering feedback—they’re open to receiving it too.

So, instead of labelling people by their position, I refer to them as the other person in the feedback conversation. It’s a subtle shift that reflects a much bigger mindset:

Tip: Think of feedback occurring in a series of two-way conversations, rather than as part of a one-off, one-way event.

  • Feedback is a two-way street

  • Everyone has something to offer

  • Titles don’t determine value or insight

Our conversations shift when we step away from hierarchy and move towards mutual respect. We listen differently, reflect more, and build cultures where feedback becomes natural and powerful.

That’s the essence of Feedback Fitness.